Tag Archives: Contentment

The Choice and the Gift

Part 2 of How to Be Single and Content at the Same Time

Contentment in singleness is both a choice and a gift. We choose the right road, and it leads us to the gift–or perhaps we receive the gift, and it gives us the strength and grace to walk in the right road.

So what is it that one must choose, and what is the gift?

The Choice

Being content, satisfied, and constantly replenished as a single requires a number of choices. There is a definite cause-and-effect sequence here. Certain actions feed your discontent, and other actions starve your discontent. So it’s only common sense to avoid all the actions that feed discontent, and do all the actions that starve discontent.

What do I choose, as a single person? What choices have I made that contribute to my well-being and healthy sense of fulfillment? What choices of mine hold loneliness at bay? How do I choose to live in a way that will bring victory over lustful thoughts and other inappropriate places that the mind likes to go?

  • I choose to saturate myself in the Word of God. I do not let a day pass without reading it. I study it. I journal about it. I love it. I delve into cross-references, finding passages that connect with each other. I think about it. I memorize it. I look up Hebrew and Greek words. I don’t give up until God has spoken to me through it and His presence is evident and begins to change my life.
  • I choose to make Jesus a priority. A girl who has a crush on a guy thinks about him constantly, talks about him nonstop, and sees all his good qualities in the best possible light. Do I think about Jesus that much? Do I love Him that much? Does He not deserve MUCH MORE than the quality of affection we find in the girl with the crush?
  • I choose to protect my mind from influences that tend to temptation. I set very high standards for the kind of books I will read, movies I will watch, and music I will listen to.
  • I choose to interact with the opposite sex with dignity, modesty, and honor. I treat guys like my brothers and girls like my sisters. I do not allow the least bit of flirtation or suggestiveness in my manner. (When you think about it, this is more than just a “conservative standard,” it is actually a protection for your heart. Flirting, teasing, and trying to be sexy will throw your mind into turmoil as it wonders if the other person noticed you and invents a million different scenarios for how things could play out. This causes your emotions to run out of control and creates a continuous cycle of flirtation and emotional upheaval.)
  • I choose to trust God to write my love story. I do not need to manipulate circumstances or do things the world’s way in order for my love story to turn out beautifully. I choose to trust that God loves me better than anyone and knows exactly what I need, and I know that He wants the very best for me, and He will give me His best when I walk in obedience and faith. That includes my love story. And that includes the fact that it hasn’t happened yet for me. I trust and fully believe that the last 10-12 years of my life as a single were BETTER than they would have been if I had been married, simply because if God has seen that it would be better for me to be married, He would have arranged for it to happen.
  • I choose to reckon myself dead to sin and alive to God. I choose to die to the flesh and walk after the Spirit. I choose to enter into the victorious resurrection life that Christ provided for me.

This last point is of primary importance, so much so that it merits its own post in detail, which I will share in the future.

The Gift

When we as believers arrange our lives according to God’s pattern, He blesses us. He always fulfills His promises. He always acts consistently with His word.

What is the best gift that God could give to a person He wanted to bless?

What is the best thing in all of the universe?

God Himself.

And God gives His very self, the very best and most delightful gift there ever could be, to the person He wants to bless.

Are you single? Has God said to you, “You don’t have a guy/girl right now, but you have Me”? Did you reply, “Yes, but…”?

Then you need to get to know God.

Drop everything, forget about everything, run to the Word, and look until you discover God. Go to your closet every night and cry out to Him for His presence until He reveals Himself to you. Abandon all pursuits–education, career, marriage, family, and even basic survival if necessary–and pursue God. Hunger for Him. Thirst for Him. Make knowing God your only focus.

If you have not God, you have nothing. If you think you have Christianity and have not God, you do not even have Christianity.

But if you have God, you have more than a guy, more than the world, more than the universe. You have the best gift, and you know it, and you are surpassingly delighted with it.

To Be Continued.

How To Be Content And Single At The Same Time

[An audacious title, yes?

Who dares to believe this is even possible, let alone write a “how-to” about it?

I do.

I believe it is possible because I am living proof of it, and I dare to write a “how-to” manual because I don’t think there’s anything that special or esoteric about my contentment in my singleness. Anyone can have what I have. Why couldn’t they? And wouldn’t they be happier if they did?  So in the interest of spreading happiness to lonely singles everywhere, let’s dive in without further ado.]

The Answer in One Word

In a nutshell, the answer is Jesus. But that, left unexplained, may leave you just as much in the dark as ever, because you’ve all heard about Jesus and you’re still full of longing and sighing and the occasional bitter tear.

A Few Preliminaries

  1. This journey is going to cost you everything. Just a heads up.
  2. If you want all the beautiful, rich treasures God offers, you will have to things the way He says.
  3. There are no shortcuts. This is not a “10-step plan” or a magic formula to contentment.
  4. What we are talking about is spiritual and supernatural, not physical.
  5. The reward is well worth the cost.

Does that daunt you? Interest you? Tantalize you? Does it whet your appetite to press in, or does it turn you off and make you say, “That’s not for me”?

If you’re already saying, “That’s not for me,” let me just suggest one thought: You have nothing to lose by reading on. Just think! You have the chance to be content, satisfied, and fulfilled, even in the midst of your singleness. I bet that deep down, you really want it, even if you don’t believe it’s possible or aren’t willing to pay the cost to get it.

If, on the other hand, your heart is pounding with anticipation and you have the wild hope that here, perhaps, at last, is someone who understands you and offers you something real, then come along for the journey and discover what I have discovered.

What it looks like to be content in your singleness

  • You go through each day entirely at peace with the fact that you are single. 
  • You are free from sexual thoughts.
  • You experience no loneliness, ever.
  • Your life is full of rich, meaningful experiences.
  • You are full of overwhelming thankfulness that you are single.
  • You find in Jesus everything that you need to satisfy your heart.

In other words, being content in your singleness is basically living the impossible life.

(And I still have the audacity to write a “How To Be Content” post?)

Oh, yes, I do.

Why? Because I experience each one of the bullet points listed above. I am not lying or exaggerating to say this is my daily experience in its fullness.

If this is mine, it can be yours too.

Therefore–Onward! to the impossible life.

Continued as a series:

Part 2: The Choice and the Gift
Part 3: Putting Jesus First
Part 4: Coming Soon!